Yingo 02

Yingo, modeling the robe he wore just prior to every close encounter of the nerf kind.

Yingo the Nerf Brutalizer was born on an unidentified planet and belonged to an unidentified species.  But he was from the same place Yoda was from, if that helps any.

In 20856, Yingo left his planet to find himself.   He decided to go to Santa Monica, where he was watching a JFL game between the 1138ers and the visiting Jundland Nerfs.  He asked the guy sitting next to him what a nerf was, and was intrigued.  Yingo went to the local library to find out more.  He found nerfs to be the sexiest animals alive.  He knew he just had to do one.

So Yingo travelled to Alderaan to find some nerfs and have intercourse with them.  Turns out, the nerfs were not so willing.  They made some grunting noises in response to his advances, which meant "no".  Yingo had once read in a book that "no" means "yes", so he pressed the issue.  The result was a swift kick to his nuts by the frustrated nerf Yingo had singled out to be his first.

This infuritated Yingo.  While recovering in the hospital, the doctors had informed Yingo that he was fortunate his species had 5 testicles, because the kick had destroyed 4 of them.  In fact, the five-testicle thing was the only piece of knowledge the doctors had about Yingo's species.  They tried to learn more from him, but Yingo was too busy plotting his revenge.  He vowed that he would use his one remaining ball to wreak absolute havoc on the nerfs, and make them pay for their obtuseness.

Yingo 01

Yingo about to climax in a nerf while bystanders can only look on with total indifference.

800px-Owen Luke

Owen Lars tell Luke, "Yingo had it wrong. Those Banthas over there are way sexier than nerfs." Luke feigns interest, and remembers to sleep with one eye open when his uncle is around.

Starting in 21032, Yingo was a nerf-raping juggernaut.  In what would be known in history as the Hundred Year Nerf Rapings, Yingo wreaked havoc upon the nerf population, and by association, the entire galaxy.  All kinds of terrible things were happening because nerf-herders had lost control of their terrified herds of nerfs. There was no nerf meat or nerf wool or nerf footballs to go around. The entire galactic economy was in turmoil. The Senate was forced to increase military recruiting and double the student body of the Zaloriis Imperial Military Academy. (As a result of the increased interest in ZIMA, the football team was the Galactic Champion in 21128 and 21129.) The Big-Ass Army of the Republic (BAR) was deployed in force throughout the galaxy to hunt down Yingo. Finally, in 21128, he was found on the planet Wutevs. The BAR attacked the planet, bombarding the entire surface with nuclear weapons. They were able to get away with this because the population was pretty laid back. Anyway, Yingo was confirmed dead, and his body was brought to Alderaan, where it was sliced into small pieces and fed to a bunch of Yingo's nerf victims.

Yingo's reign of terror was over, but his actions very nearly inspired another of his species to follow in his footsteps. Fortunately for the galaxy, this was not to be.

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