Yanous the Gassy Garden Gnome, one of the top five (as determined by the fans) most famous members of the oddly mysterous species that gave the galaxy Yoda, was a schmuck.  He is famous for spending his 750 years of life travelling the galaxy in an effort to spend at least one week in the garden of a house on every known planet, raising money by entertaining employers with his especially gassy flatulence.  He even travelled to at least 10 unknown planets, but not much is known about these visits. In the end, he missed it by that much due to a stupid last second decision which may or may not have been influenced by Herm Edwards.


Yanous was born on some unnamed planet that nobody can seem to identify, despite being the birthplace of Yoda, the greatest Jedi Grand Master the galaxy has ever known.  Prior to his birth, his parents could not think of a good name for him, although they figured it should start with the letter "Y".  Their first idea was to name him Yingo the Nerf Brutalizer, but there was already someone famous in their culture's history with that name.  Just as they were about to give up and just name him He Hate Me, they decided to go on a holiday to the planet Bronco. There, they were visited by a galactically famous science fiction writer, named Dr. Ronald Chevalier.  Taking a liking to the expectant couple, he gave them some advice.  He told them adding "-anous" to any name or word would make it magical.  They were grateful for this epiphany.  Since they didn't have a name to work with, they just took the clever starting letter of "Y" and signed off on the birth certificate minutes after Yanous was born.

Life and Career

One day, Yanous got sick of watching locally produced cable commercials for car dealerships, so he packed his stuff and left his unknown home planet and decided to go somewhere that had a name.  He got a map from the 7-11 and made a choice that would help define his life.  He was going to be the first being to visit every planet in the galaxy.  As he travelled, most people made fun of him because of his tiny stature, green skin, and silly ears.  The fact that his home planet had no name was not helping his case, either, and this was really getting on his damn nerves.

Yanous travelled to many planets, getting paid for his efforts to spruce up people's homes by posing as a cute and marginally humorous garden decoration.  Once he earned enough money, he'd travel to the next planet.  Being that gnome-work didn't pay particularly well, Yanous had to save every credit for travel, if he was to see every planet during his lifetime.  The only thing he could eat was nerf ass meat, the cheapest part of the animal.  Being a particularly gassy food, this diet evenutally caused Yanous to develop a constant case of bad gas.  Usually, his constant flatulence would earn him a giggle from his employer, and a few extra credits, so Yanous was able to pick up the pace of his travels.

As he got older, he crossed off most of the planets on his galactic map.  There were only 2 planets left: Tatooine, and Fagabeefy 4.  Excitedly, he travelled to Tatooine.  While looking for work in Mos Eisley, he was having a drink when a generic cantina patron asked him where he was from.  He finally decided that he was going to kill the very next person that asked him what planet he was from.  


800px-Owen Luke

Owen Lars pointing in the direction of Fagabeefy 4.

Quickly, Yanous got a job as a garden gnome for Jabba the Hutt.  One day, Jabba was relaxing and picking tomatoes from his small garden when he saw Yanous farting.  He laughed his deep belly laugh, and struck up a conversation. He asked Yanous where he was from.  Yanous knew what he had to do, even though it was going to jeopardize his lifelong goal.  He only needed a few more credits to be able to travel to Fagabeefy 4, but he was blind with rage.  He was going to kill the Hutt.  Yanous made an elaborate plan, in which he would entertain Jabba on his next trip on his private yacht, the Khetanna Sail Barge.  He would entertain Jabba in his quarters by farting continuously and then igniting the room with a match.  His plan was foolproof and would have succeeded were it not for the totally unexpected intervention of Luke Skywalker, the famous genocidal Jedi.  Luke and his bastard gang of misfits happened to be on board the Khetanna as Yanous was about to execute his plan.  Princess Leia killed Jabba, which would have suited Yanous just fine as he really wasn't the murdering type, but for some reason, just before making their getaway, Luke decided to blow up the Khetanna and, with it, everyone aboard, including Yanous.

Yanous never did get to visit Fagabeefy 4, and nobody else ever came close to visiting every planet, not even that petulant bitch Anakin Skywalker or his murderous son, Luke. 

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