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Uncle Owen

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Owen Lars was a simple moisture farmer on Tatooine who was forced to raise his step-brother's whiny kid. He was killed by Imperial Stormtroopers.
545px-Young owen

Owen polishes his power converter.

Moisture Farming

Owen loved nothing more than farming for moisture. While some people would look at Tatooine and see it as a land devoid of moisture, Owen, like his father, Cliegg, before him, loved the challenge of squeezing every drop of liquid out of the arid desert. Owen graduated from Mos Espa A&M with an associates degree in moisturenautics. While most of his classmates went on to lucrative jobs in the moisture import business, Owen remained on Tatooine and sold his hard-earned moisture to locals who were suspicious of imported moisture. One of Owen's top clients was Jabba the Hutt, who was constantly buying moisture for his poorly-planned waterpark.

The Skywalkers

At some point prior to the Clone Wars, Owen's father purchased a slave, named Shmi Skywalker, and then married her. Owen was OK with that because it allowed him to spend more time standing outside staring at his beloved moisture vaporators, while his father was busy. While visiting Anchorhead to sell some water to Mayor Burgundy, he met Beru Whitesun, who worked in the Mayor's office as a temp. Despite Mayor Burgundy's nonsensical objections, Beru left her job and moved in with Owen. Owen spent most of his time harvesting moisture and nailing his girlfriend. Even after his step-mother was kidnapped by sandpeople, Owen was living the life he had always dreamed of. This was all ruined when Shmi's son showed up. While Owen tried to be friendly with Anakin by offering to show him his awesome new vaporators, Anakin spent all his time pouting and whining about his mother. After Anakin recovered Shmi's corpse from the sandpeople, he left, and Owen was able to return to his charmed life.

Son of Skywalker

800px-Owen Luke

Owen pointing out all the species he hates.

A few years later when Owen was 31, some bearded Jedi showed up and dropped off a baby. Though he was college educated, Owen was confused by this development since it did not match his pre-conceived notion of where babies come from. Luckily the Jedi explained that his step-brother had become a Sith Lord, and it had been decided, with no input from Owen himself, that he'd now be responsible with raising Anakin's son. Owen figured, at the very least, he'd eventually be a useful worker for his moisture farm, so he agreed. As the child grew up, it became clear that he was even more annoying than his father. When Luke was a teenager, Owen, now 59 years old, put him to work on the farm, but was constantly disappointed with his efforts. He pulled some strings to get Luke accepted into his Alma Mater, but Luke refused to go, instead wishing to attend the Academy like his lazy friends. Luke did show some natural piloting ability on the occasions when he stole Owen's valuable T-16 for joyrides, but Owen wasn't about to spend his hard-earned money sending that brat to pilot school.

Tough Love

Owen's favorite form of motivation was to purchase really useless droids and point out that they were still far more useful than Luke. He had a standing arrangement with local Jawas to bring by any droids they recovered that were horribly ill-suited for work on a moisture farm. Owen's favorites were protocol droids that spoke obscure dead languages. One day the Jawas brought Owen an effeminate gold droid, and a broken astromech. When Luke noticed that the astromech was broken, Owen pretended to be surprised telling the Jawas, "That broken droid is only twice as good as my idiot nephew!" but the comment was lost on Luke who was too busy acting like a big shot in front of the Jawas. Instead of the broken droid, the Jawas were forced to sell Owen the best droid ever. Owen gave Luke the simple task of cleaning the droids and not letting them run away. He was not surprised when Luke failed that task.

Owen's Last Stand

OwenBeru dead

Owen's last thoughts were of moisture farming.

While Luke was off trying to cover for his blunder, some imperial stormtroopers showed up to ask about his newly purchased droids. With no further invitation, Owen killed one of the stormtroopers with his bare hands, and then peed on the corpse. The other stormtroopers were impressed, but gunned him and his wife down anyway. Then they burnt the corpses because they were under the mistaken impression that it would make it look more like a murder-suicide.

Legacy

Overall, Owen tried teach Luke the value of hard work and keeping your head down, but those values never stuck. While Owen's efforts failed to keep Luke from becoming a mass murderer, it probably could have been worse. After their death, that ungrateful little shit never even mentioned his aunt and uncle.

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