"...two E's, two F's, and another E. Nobody ever gets it right."
- -Miles O'Keeffe
Miles was a human, born on the planet Ripley in the Tennessee System. He was naturally athletic, and maintained an impressive physique by consuming only raw eggs and beer. After attending the Republic Academy, O'Keeffe found himself working as a prison counselor on Oovo IV. There, he also organized a weight lifting program. He was offworld when Jango Fett showed up and started a full scale riot/breakout, and thus was not only unharmed but also now unemployed.
O'Keeffe travelled to the desert planet Africa, becoming integrated with its native wild animals. Before long, he tired of having no one to talk to who could talk back, but still longed for the loincloth life, so he went back home to Ripley to spend time with his family. On his return, he realized just how incredibly beautiful his sister had become, and asked his father, Clement Dipsticker, for her hand in marriage. Clement admired his son's balls, but also had to finally come clean with him. Miles had been adopted as a baby, and wasn't truly blood related. "I should have known, since we don't have the same last name!" Thrilled with the news, Miles nailed his non-sister that night. He eventually got bored with her after a few hours, and went off in search of truth and fun. Just who was his real dad?
Miles set out to find his real parents, and happened upon a new friend along the way named Thong. Thong was a capable warrior, and followed Miles in his search for his true true heritage. Miles also befriended a scientist, Guy Ma'ar, on the planet Shalyvane. Ma'ar was being blackmailed and eventually kidnapped by local tyrant Zor. Ma'ar's daughter, Mila, brought Miles and Thong to Zor's fortress, where the final showdown's outcome was in Miles' favor. He finally perfected his finishing move, which was a stiff-legged kick to the face.
Eventually, Miles got bored boning Mila as well, and set out to continue his quest. Thong accompanied once again, as Miles got work as a charter pilot. To make ends meet, he began smuggling for the Ravinsblud Syndicate, but was quickly caught by Republic authorities. He was able to escape from the prison camp on Kessel and hunt down the head of the Syndicate, wiping out the top lieutenants with him. As he was honorable, and possibly a little stupid, Miles also broke back into his cell before anyone noticed he was gone.
Clone WarsAs the Clone Wars broke out, the Republic found that even its massive Clone army needed to be supplemented. Miles and Thong were recognized for their skills and prowess in combat, and were offered a deal: Succeed at three years of suicide missions, and their prison terms would be ended. Miles agreed immediately, and set out on the missions eagerly. They first assignment was to eliminate some Chiss raiders who were attacking Republic supply ships in the Outer Rim. Miles was given a new ship, the Diamondback, and set out to protect the convoys.
The Diamondback arrived just in time to find some Chiss starfighters attacking a Republic Corvette. On board were Senator Bail Organa and his wife Breha. Unable to get close enough to secure a seal and board, the Chiss lept into space in pressure suits, and began cutting into the Tantive IV's hull. Miles and Thong did likewise, not thinking of simply picking them off with the Diamondback's blasters. In the space fight that followed, Thong's suit was damaged and he immediately died in space. As Miles fought the final Chiss raider, their duel carried over onto the bridge of the Corvette, where Queen Breha was able to personally witness Miles' heroism. Once he dispatched his opponent, he gave the beautiful queen a wink that made her blush. Bail rolled his eyes, and nodded his thanks to O'Keeffe.
Miles continued alone on the Diamondback, occasionally teaming up with other criminals who had made similar deals These included Milky Choad, who went with Miles to liberate the planet Salvador from CIS control, as well as Hoare Manburp who fought alongside Miles in the Battle Of Sasquatch. Miles also fought with distinction in the Battle Of Nexus Ortai, along with participating in the Republic's seige of the planet Virujansi. It was here that he fought alongside Garven Dreis, who liked O'Keeffe so much that he insisted Miles come work with him after the war. And then, after three years Miles was released from the contract, and allowed to keep the ship he'd come to know and love.
It was time to find his father.
The Dark TimesAfter the Empire was kicked into gear, Miles stuck to the Outer Rim more. He became completely disillusioned with the more civilized Core Worlds during the Clone Wars, and knew things hadn't improved with the new regime. Unable to work any more as a smuggler, Miles turned to gambling. He lost the Diamondback in a high stakes game of Sabacc to some smirking wiseass, but vowed he'd get it back in time. Until then, he turned to drifting. It was at a diner on the planet Corman that he first saw Jewel Bottombiter. Jewel was having trouble getting her ship, the SS Larry Brand, to start. Miles knew immediately what the problem was, and fixed it quickly. "Get a ride?" was all he asked. He nailed her that night. In time, Jewel confessed that she had a boyfriend, but Miles was a simple man. He just wanted relations, not a relationship.Jewel couldn't deal with it, and dumped him off on Tatooine with enough credits to get a few meals and a time keeping device she claimed her dead father had left her. There, Miles was able to turn Jewel's money into a pretty good chunk of change while betting on the Podraces in Mos Espa. Still unable to get legitimate work, Miles turned to loan sharking. A young man, Anous Campesmenza, came to Miles needing funding for some sports calendars he wanted to produce. They met out in the outer region of the Dune Sea, where Anous was nearly attacked by a Krayt Dragon. Right when it was about to swallow the young man in one bite, Miles showed up and blasted the monster dead. After slowing his heart rate, and thanking O'Keeffe profusely, Anous went into his pitch about the calendars. When asked for more informationg, Anous admitted it was a sexy calendar with pictures of men. Needing to hear no more, Miles spat his chaw on the ground and kicked rocks. However, Anous was convincing. Miles didn't have to like the product. He just had to see how much of a money maker it could be. Intrigued more by Anous' skill at negotiating, Miles agreed. But after a month, Anous had to pay back double the investment.
Anous shook on it, but then thought better of it. "What happens if I can't pay?"
"Then we meet back here, only that time...you won't have as much fun." Of course, Anous couldn't pay. In fact, Anous was getting into trouble at the Cantina in Mos Eisley when Miles came to collect a month later. Miles had to rough up a Defel and two Gotals that were accosting the young Campesmenza. When told that the sales weren't quite where Anous had expected, Miles nodded sadly. He gave the kid two more weeks, and this time it was triple. Anous was of course very grateful, and hopeful about paying the money back. In the meantime, Miles met Anous' friend, Carol Sweatervest. What stood out about Carol was that she was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever met, but he just never got around to banging her. He'd never known a woman like that.
Anous was never able to pay back the money, but instead he rigged it so that Miles won the competition for "Mr. Tatooine". The price was easily five times what Miles had loaned Anous. What's more, because of the title he'd won, Miles ended up banging Morgan Fairchild. After that, Anous and O'Keeffe parted as friends.
Now able to buy his ship back from Lando Calrissian, Miles tracked down Jewel Bottombiter on the planet Garduno. He had to follow a path of blood before finding her home, and being held at blaster-point by some psychopath named K'Riegert. It turns out, Jewel's friends were being murdered one by one, and she suspected Miles all along. But what had happened was Gaskell Cup, Jewel's boyfriend, had suspected her of cheating long before she ever actually did. He'd paid K'Riegert to follow her as she made interplanetary salescalls, and the investigator took pictures of her and Miles together. When Gaskell decided he loved Jewel anyway, K'Riegert flipped his lid and started killing everyone. Gaskell was his most recent victim, and now it was Jewel's turn. But first, K'Riegert shot Miles directly in his chest. "See how easy that was?"
K'Riegert took Jewel into her kitchen, preparing to finish her off...when the lights went out. He went into the next room to see Miles' body missing. When he turned to go back to Jewel, he received a stiff-legged kick directly in the face. Miles didn't give the kick everything he had, as he wanted to then beat K'Riegert to death with a lamp. Jewel leapt into Miles' arms, and they shared one more night together before he set off to hopefully finish his journey to find his real dad.
The trail to his real father led Miles to the planet Libertash. There, he happened upon Garven Dreis once more, a man he served with in the Clone Wars. Garven made noises about a Rebel Alliance, intending to overthrow the Empire and re-establish democracy. Miles insisted that he had no stock in any governments, and found it best to stay out of it altogether.
After he'd exhausted all leads on Libertash, Miles met and fell in love with a woman named Mitzi Doublestuffs. He found something in himself he never thought capable, and felt like maybe settling down for once. Ready to finally give up this aimless journey he'd been on for so many years, Miles moved in with Mitzi and was happy to only bang one chick from then on. Miles started working at a youth center, helping to keep kids away from Spice and Sabacc. While there, an old friend from the Clones Wars tracked him down. Milky Choad showed up at the youth center and made it clear he was in trouble. After the war ended, and he was freed from his sentence, Milky had gone right back to work for the Kheedar Ring. The Ring was a criminal organization in the Outer Rim, and now Milky had gotten in over his head. He had to split, as they now suspected him of ratting them out to the Empire. "Well, did you?" Miles asked. Of course he had. And now he had a death mark on his head. Miles wanted to help his friend, but he was settled down now. He couldn't afford to risk everything for this. He turned his back on a friend.
It was at this point that Mitzi discovered she was pregnant. She decided to not have the child, and made the mistake of telling Miles. "It's my child too!!!" Miles bellowed as a wheeping Mitzi left their home. He couldn't believe any woman would abort HIS kid. He'd had enough. He went back to the youth center to pound on some punching bags, where he found Milky once again. Only this time, Milky Choad was dead. Furious about his first known pregnancy about to be terminated, and now some punks left a dead body in his work space, Miles gathered up his weapons. Within twelve hours, Miles was on Kheedar and making big fat examples of the heads of the Ring. He hunted down all five, one by one, and cashed their checks. Unfortunately, he also killed an Imperial Officer, Lieutenant Hartebeest. Hartebeest was negotiating with the Kheedar Ring, hoping to use their contacts to secure an assassination that the Empire couldn't appear responsible for. When it was realized who had killed the officer, Miles was picked up by a platoon of Stormtroopers.
While in jail, Miles was visited by Admiral Wullf Yularen. He remembered Miles from his service in the Clone wars, having met him briefly during the Battle Of Nexus Ortai and actually witnessing O'Keeffe's stiff legged kick in person. He didn't care for Lieutenant Hartebeest, and it was more important to him to have Miles complete an assignment for him than to see a good man wasted for wasting a not so good man.
Miles met with the Gran criminal boss Flex Logi to discuss purchasing a light cruiser. Flex was all too happy to continue the conversation once he saw the case full of money Yularen had given Miles. They went into his warehouse, where Flex showed Miles a few of the ships they currently had in stock. He assured him though that their inventory was constantly changing, so if there was something he was looking for that he didn't see, all he had to do was ask. Unfortunately for Miles though, Hoare Manburp was now working there and recognized him from her time in the Clone Wars. She immediately told Cod Logi, Flex's brother.
The assignment was simple, especially after what he'd just done to the Kheedar Ring. Miles had to infiltrate an illegal Starship Chopshop operation on Malestare, find out who the leader was, and bring the information back to Yularen. Too many Imperial frigates went missing lately, and they were being found with new identification on the other side of the Galaxy months later. Miles agreed, but only this one last assignment.
Cod approached his brother, and whispered in his ear the truth of his latest customer. Flex took Miles closer to one of the starfighters he had on the lot, and asked Miles to inspect the paint job. He claimed his eyes weren't so great, and wanted Miles to help him see any blemishes. Miles obliged, and got closer. That's when Flex knocked Miles' head against the hull, dazing him. Miles' instincts kicked in, and he stiff-legged kicked his way out of there. He caught up with Hoare at the end. He'd never hit or kick a woman. So he shot her.
When meeting up with Yularen that evening, Miles gave him the rundown of what had happened. He'd kicked the entire operation to death, and the Admiral would find his missing ships in the warehouse. Yularen was pleased, and Miles was free to go.
But as he set out into space aboard he Diamondback once again, he realized how empty he felt. He'd tasted true love, and wanted it once again. He thought back to one of the best times of his life, when he was working on Tatooine as a loan shark. And that of course brought him back to Carol Sweatervest, the hottest chick he never got with. The one who got away. He immediately set course.
The RebellionWhen Miles finally found Carol, she was amazingly single. She'd married, a man named Seek Diloley, but he'd been kidnapped by Tusken Raiders the previous summer. She of course remembered Miles. They had a coffee, caught up, and within twenty-four hours they were married. Miles consumated the marriage on the doorstep of the Mos Eisley Chapel. Miles took over the chores at the Diloley moisture farm that was left to Carol, and within ten months the couple had pounded out a child, Moriah O'Keeffe. One day, Miles had a bit too much to drink, and was talked into purchasing several unnecessary droids from a group of travelling Jawas. One of them didn't even work! The next day, a platoon of Sandtroopers showed up at his door demanding to know where the other droids were. Miles couldn't remember, as he'd been drinking heavily, and the Sandtroopers put a blaster to Carol's head. Miles struggled to remember, to no avail. The troopers shot his wife.
Miles fell to the ground, sobbing. Moriah, only six years old, ran to him crying her eyes out. He held her close to him, but one of the Sandtroopers yanked her away. They demanded he tell them where the droids had gone, or they'd also kill his daughter. He was speechless. He couldn't get any words out, not even lies. And with one more shot, his family was dead. All he could get out were curse words and threats.
It was then that one of the Sandtroopers came out from Miles' homestead, holding a piece of mail. "Hey, Cap...this is 1491 Sandy Way." "Uh huh." "Well, didn't the Jawas say they'd sold the droids to a couple at 1391?" "Oh." The Captain looked at Miles, pounding his fist on the sand. "Sorry about this." The Sandtrooper fired a blast into Miles' gut, and the platoon stomped their way to 1391 Sandy Way.
It took him some time, but Miles finally got his stomach bandaged and climbed into his Landspeeder. He arrived too late at the Lar's farm, and followed the Dewback tracks to Mos Eisley. He spotted two Stormtroopers standing at the main entrance into the city, and slowed down as if to ask a question. Both noticed, and stepped closer, but Miles blasted both point blank in their faces. By the end of the day, Mos Eisley would no longer have an Imperial presence.
The last Sandtroopers Miles could find were standing outside of Docking Bay 94, watching a Corellian ship take off. Easy pickings. Miles went to his storage bay he rented to house the Diamondback, and within moments he was breaking atmosphere. It was time to seek out his old friend Garven Dreis.
By the time Miles was able to catch up with the Alliance, the Death Star had been destroyed and Garven Dreis was dead. He found them on the planet of Thila, preparing to move to a more permanent base on Hoth. Fortunately, Wedge Antilles remembered Miles from Garven's stories. He immediately introduced General Rieekan to O'Keeffe. Rieekan was skeptical though, and agreed to let Miles join the Rebellion on one condition: He had to find a point in the Galaxy where the Empire could never find them. They'd just dealt a tremendous blow to the Emperor, and Rebel High Command was certain that the response would be severe. In the event of their base being discovered on the ice planet, the Alliance needed somewhere to escape to. Miles said he could do it.
Of course Miles didn't know how to do it, but he thought he could try. He'd spent his entire life wandering around, looking for something he'd never find. He squandered a few chances at true love, and taken many lives. He'd flown from one side of the Galaxy to somewhere around the middle. Where could these Rebels possibly go where absolutely no Imperial would find them?
Miles went a little further out than he had before, taking the Diamondback high above the Galactic Equatorial Plane. He came upon one of the last settled planets on the fringe of the Galaxy, called Dejar. As he entered the atmosphere, he saw plenty of settlements and small cities. As he came closer to one of them, preparing to land in a docking bay, Miles realized what he was really looking for at this point was a bar. What he really wanted to find was a bottomless glass.
He found a small pub. Just four walls, a bar, and a guy pouring drinks, and that's all Miles really needed at this point. He took a generous gulp of his beer, thinking back on his entire life. He'd definitely covered some ground alright, but at the same time he's gone no where his entire life. That's when an older man sat next to him, ordered a beer as well. "Don't think I've ever seen you here, son. What's your name?" "Miles," he replied. The man looked closer, really taking Miles in. "You don't say." "Well, yeah. I did. What's your name?" "Mazlow. I'm Mazlow O'Keeffe." Miles' jaw dropped. "O'Keeffe, huh?" Miles began composing himself for what may well be the most important conversation of his life. "Ever make it as far into the interior as Ripley, Mazlow?" Mazlow took half his beer down in one serious swallow, put his mug down, and then nodded. "I sure did. I was born there." Miles looked closer at the man, judging him to be about 60 now, making him the right age at Miles' birth. "Well, my name's-"
"Miles, I know. Miles O'Keeffe. You're my son."
Father and son were finally reunited. Mazlow revealed to Miles that his girlfriend at that age had gotten pregnant and then disappeared after he'd said something stupid. The last thing he'd heard about her was that she took off for one of the Outer Rim Worlds, but he could never find her. Finally his search brought him to Dejar, and he lost the will to continue on. He'd spent the last few years with his wife Sandra, selling insurance and drinking. "Sounds perfect to me," Miles replied.
But Mazlow swore to him it wasn't always. "A man needs purpose in his life, Miles. If it weren't for Sandra and the thrill of opening new markets I would have died a long time ago. What else do I have? " "Well...you've got me." "That's right, now I certainly do." Their conversation continued on a less serious note, until Miles brought up the Rebellion and his hopes to join. Mazlow told his son that Dejar wasn't going to keep the Rebels invisible, but it might be one of the last places the Empire would look. "Well, what is the very last place they'd look?" Mazlow thought about this for a moment. "You know, Miles, there is one place. Far, far above the Equatorial Plane, and far from any stars, way beyond the Galactic Rim. I was there only once, and since it's so far from the Galaxy's gravity well, it damn near tore my ship apart. Not every ship could make that trip. And even less could come back from it." "Sounds perfect." "Miles, the chances of you making it are slim." "Honestly, I feel like I've earned this." Miles hugged his father, then took him in once more before heading back to the Diamondback. He used the last of his credits to have the ship checked out and tuned up. He messaged Antilles what his plan was, and then took off. He flew just like his father said, just like his father had done. The Diamondback shook and it moaned, but she held together all the way. And finally, after what seemed like hours with no stars in front of him, Miles lauched a buoy. He checked that it's signal was transmitting, then sent a quick transmission to Antilles again letting him know it worked, and how to find the buoy.
It was then that he turned his ship around to head back. And then he saw the single most beautiful thing he'd ever seen his entire life. The Galactic Core was such a pure sight. There was nothing bad or good about it, it just was. All these celestial bodies floating around completely oblivious what he is doing, what the Empire is doing, or what anyone will ever do. It was truly awesome, and made him embrace his insignificance. And then the alarm sounded. The Diamondback's hull was compromised. She'd served him incredibly well for many years, and now she was starting to crumple under the weight of readjusting to the Galaxy's gravity well. Miles pulled back on the throttle, but it was no good. The ship wasn't going to make it. The closest habitable planet was so far. He pulled on his helmet and pressure mask, and pushed the engines to the max. It wasn't long before Miles started drifting off. He set his course, then passed out.
When Miles came to again, the emergency alarm had gotten louder and more insistant. No, it was the proximity alarm. He was breaking atmosphere on some jungle planet right now. He pulled back as hard as he could, but he was going in hard and fast. And for once, he wasn't happy about it. The ship clipped one tree when Miles decided to eject. He was launched up and back, and fell several feet before hitting branches. The parachute expanded and started to drag, but Miles hadn't buckled up and fell the rest of the way. At the bottom of the jungle, he was lying on the ground. His body was completely shattered. He knew he would die on this planet, and hopefully soon. He felt he'd earned it. He'd loved at least one woman the best he possibly could, and loved their daughter the same way. He'd avenged their deaths. And he had given the Rebellion a fighting chance.