|“||After I was done with an intense marathon of binge drinking, I had to do something to ensure I would win the Kessel Run. I knew right away that my trusty bidet wouldn't do it alone. That's why I downed one serving of Colt 45. It cleared me out, baby.||”|
–Lando Calrissian's television commercial.
Lando Calrissian is the most interesting man in the Galaxy.
Facts About Lando
- He served as Pope for about 6 months during the 10th century
- He once lost the Millenium Falcon by betting that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars
- He punched Jabba the Hutt right in his stupid face
- He gained almost 5,000 rushing yards with the Chicago Bears
- He became Baron Administrator of Cloud City after waking up there one morning
- Lando gave his dad one of the highest penthouses in Bespin. Despite this, Lamont Calrissian still refused to acknowledge his son.
- He froze his friend in Carbonite, just to see if it would work
- He prided himself on intentionally mispronouncing peoples' names because nobody ever had the balls to correct him.
- He was actually the one who did the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs
- He was named a general in the Rebel army based on his smile
- Lando argued with Luke Skywalker for over five hours over whether or not he should wear a cape when disguised as a Skiff guard at Jabba's Palace.
- He picked Nien Nunb as his co-pilot for a critical mission because he knew how to party
- He blew up the second Death Star
- He was awarded the Medal for Some Insane Ish You Pulled That Was Done Once Before, But You Still Did a Damn Fine Job for his actions at the Battle of Endor.
- After the fall of the Empire, Lando founded Motown Records.
- He briefly served as the district attorny of Gotham City
- He hit that