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Lando Calrissian

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Lando Sings

Lando addresses his adoring fans.

After I was done with an intense marathon of binge drinking, I had to do something to ensure I would win the Kessel Run. I knew right away that my trusty bidet wouldn't do it alone. That's why I downed one serving of Colt 45. It cleared me out, baby.

–Lando Calrissian's television commercial.

Lando Calrissian is the most interesting man in the Galaxy.

Facts About Lando

  • He served as Pope for about 6 months during the 10th century
  • He once lost the Millenium Falcon by betting that Dustin Hoffman was in Star Wars
  • He punched Jabba the Hutt right in his stupid face
  • He gained almost 5,000 rushing yards with the Chicago Bears
  • He became Baron Administrator of Cloud City after waking up there one morning
  • Lando gave his dad one of the highest penthouses in Bespin. Despite this, Lamont Calrissian still refused to acknowledge his son.
  • He froze his friend in Carbonite, just to see if it would work
  • He prided himself on intentionally mispronouncing peoples' names because nobody ever had the balls to correct him.
  • He was actually the one who did the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs
  • He was named a general in the Rebel army based on his smile
  • Lando argued with Luke Skywalker for over five hours over whether or not he should wear a cape when disguised as a Skiff guard at Jabba's Palace.
  • He picked Nien Nunb as his co-pilot for a critical mission because he knew how to party
  • He blew up the second Death Star
  • He was awarded the Medal for Some Insane Ish You Pulled That Was Done Once Before, But You Still Did a Damn Fine Job for his actions at the Battle of Endor.
  • After the fall of the Empire, Lando founded Motown Records.
  • He briefly served as the district attorny of Gotham City
  • He hit that
Lando Party

One of Lando's famous sexy parties on board the Millenium Falcon

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