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Jim Toback

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Bio

Jim Toback was a human male who fought in the Battle of the Sarlacc, aboard Jabba the Hutt's Sail Barge. He perished in that battle, at the hands of Rebel agent Leia Organa.

Early Life

Jim Toback started out life like many other characters in the Galaxy: raised on a farm. Born in Johnson County, Kansas, Jim and his 13 brothers and one sister helped their dad herd and milk the Nerfs on the Toback farmland. He knew at an extremely young age that this life wasn't for him. He longed for adventure.


Once he hit 17, Jim set out to the nearest Imperial recruitment center, which was in downtown Kansas City, MO. Though he met the physical requirements, the recruitment officer's confidence in Jim's psychological condition was shaken after Jim said all he ever wanted to do was crush the Rebellion, and "taste dead burnt Rebel veins in my teeth!" The Empire passed on Jim.

Not able to go back home and face his family or friends after swearing he'd never see them again once he became a top Imperial Officer, Jim instead wandered the landscape in search of truth and fun. At a tiny and backward-ass pub in Tampa Florida, Jim came across two men discussing a plan to assassinate a local Imperial Colonel. Jim invited himself to sit at their table, and proclaimed that he hated the Empire more than anything, and would love to literally kick the Emperor right in his asshole. The two men looked at each other, and simply got up. Jim was left having to settle their bar tab, and again without any adventure.


The Dark Years

For a few years, there is a gray area in Jim's life. It's known he wandered the Galaxy actively, but it's uncertain how he acquired funds to accomplish this travel. It is known, however, that Jim ended up on the puckered anus of the Galaxy: Tatooine. It was there that the will of the Force had pulled Jim, and it was there that he'd finally find the thrills he sought.

Tatooine

Jim's luck turned for the better when he met up with some Klaatu brothers in a cantina deep in Mos Espa. Yotts Orren and Giran were arguing over some sports statistics, and Jim knew the answer beyond a doubt. The brothers bought Jim a beer, and lifelong friendships were born. They had arrived on Tatooine hoping to find work as thugs, though their strength really only came in their numbers. Either way, they embraced Jim as one of their own, and the entire group swore an oath to stand by each other through thick or thin. It was a bond Jim hadn't realized how much he missed since his days on the farm.


The Bacon Brothers and Jim were able to secure work as bodyguards in Mos Eisley for the Landspeeder dealer and weird fugly alien Wioslea. There wasn't much to do, but at night they would race some of the sleeker models on the sandy Tatooine prairies while Wioslea slept. For fun, Jim and Yotts would pop Womprats with sniping rifles, or blow an entire month's pay on some Twi'lek girls. Life was sweet.


But things changed drastically once Wioslea's debt to local crimelord Jabba The Hutt became too insurmountable. Jabba would make "jokes" about murdering him (or her...what ever) if the debt wasn't taken care of soon. Wioslea was terrified, and started to plot with Jim and the brothers about how to murder the Hutt. On the surface, they went along with it. Even coming up with details for Wioslea's plan such as how to distract Bib Fortuna, etc. But in secret, the Bacon brothers agreed with Jim that it was retarded to try and kill Jabba. Why not, instead, work for him?

The Bacon Brothers again agreed with Jim that it would be dishonorable to kill Wioslea. Instead, they simply beat him up and stripped him of all his posessions. "We're saving your life!" is what Jim yelled at the grovelling and sobbing weirdo. In short order, Jim and the Klaatu were put to work in various stations in Jabba's Palace and Sail Barge.

180px-Leia-buttkicker

Final Fate

Jim was placed aboard the deck of Jabba's barge with Yotts Orren, his best friend. Jim's task was to man one of the deck cannons, which paid just barely enough to cover his rent for the room he shared with three Gamorrean Guards in the palace. In fact, he had to share a bunk with one. But it was still better pay than he'd ever made. And now he could shoot the Womprats with a big fucking gun. A gun, by the way, he'd named Kopfgeschlagen after his father. A job in the open air, great friends, a bed to call his own (and some other dude's). Life was sweet.


All that changed on the day a small group of Rebels infiltrated Jabba's Palace. Jabba sentenced them all to death in the Sarlacc Pit, but then the punk who'd killed the Rancor got hold of a lightsaber and all hell broke loose. Jim was charging Kopfgeschlagen, when he noticed one of his Klaatu lifemates, Roy Bacon, falling into the hungry maw of the Sarlacc. Enraged, Jim took aim at the blind jerk who'd knocked Boba Fett into the pit. Before he could fire his round though, he was struck in the ribs by a staff. He turned to see Princess Leia bearing her teeth in his direction, and was distracted by her abs and jiggling bosom long enough for her to land a blow to his face. Dazed and disoriented, Jim grabbed hold of Kopfgeschlagen to try and pull himself up. Before he could, Leia kicked Jim Toback square in the asshole, pushing him off the deck of the Sail Barge, and rolling into the Sarlacc Pit.

Trivia

Jim also did an extremely good impression of Lando Calrissian. He would often make the Bacon Brothers giggle by calling up radio shows as the famed scoundrel.

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