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Jabba The Hutt

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Jabba The Hutt was portrayed as a big fat asshole who loved to not brush his teeth for weeks, and then force hot chicks to kiss him. This image had little in common with the true Jabba, and was created by the New Republic.
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Jabba The Hutt: Galaxy's biggest asshole.




Early Life

Jabba was pushed into being a colossal prick since the get-go. He broke his mom's tail at the age of 3 by slamming a large jar full of republic credits on it. He later tricked his mom into believing her husband was cheating on her with a human man, which pushed her into cutting Jabba's father's penis off with a pair of old dull scissors. He writhed and wriggled, but his short arms just could not reach to stop her. She also would not listen to his screaming statements that it wasn't true.


Why did Jabba do these things? After coming home from the hospital, Jabba's mother left him in the crib for two straight weeks without changing his diaper. She never breastfed him. And let's just say he was no stranger to coat hangers. Speaking of which, Jabba's mother never hesitated to remind him that he was an abortion survivor. Jabba's father also a colossal jerk. He was constantly losing the money that should have gone towards their electricity bill on card games. Well, once he just flat out lost it. Fell out of his pocket, which is why Jabba's father declared no one in his family would ever wear pants again. Jabba received many beatings when he would come home from school in his soccor uniform, which included shorts. Once the beating was even worse when Jabba argued that they weren't technically pants.


Jabba was also born a hermaphrodite. This may have been why his parents were to cruel to him. Also, part of his anger with his parents came from them pushing him into the male role, when he secretly always felt more like a female. This duality would plague him 'til the end of his days.

Teenage Years

Jabba was a gunrunner and general ruffian in his younger years, teaming up with constant companion Ephant Mon. The two were inseperable, sometimes even if you tried with a crowbar. Ephant Mon discovered what he would call "Huttwarmth" when the two were stranded on a desolute ice world, and he never froze to death. Jabba wrapped his friend in his blubber, keeping him warm. It would be years before Jabba admitted this was simply his typical seduction method. By that point, Ephant Mon didn't care, and Jabba was grateful. When in Ephant's arms, Jabba felt whole for the first time. He found someone who could accept him for who he was, and Ephant found someone who would keep him from freezing to death.

Organized Criminal

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Jabba eventually moved up in the world, and had his own gang. He was the Capo of the Tatooine Crime Family. He also made sure to display how gay he wasn't by having a ton of half naked slave chicks all over the place. Bib Fortuna, who became his majordomo, kept a manharem for himself, but despite how much it turned him on, Jabba HAD to pretend to be disgusted by these acts.

In time, Jabba came into Spice trafficing. This is also what got him pinched. Jabba had to serve five years at the Spice mine in Kessel, which was incredibly fortunate since he was addicted to Spice! What was truly fortunate though was the Jabba was left with a lot of time to himself. To think, and truly dwell on where his life had taken him. Was he really happy being this way?


Bib Fortuna had been running things for Jabba while he was away, and coincidentally the Twi'Lek was picked up for solicitation right before Jabba was released. While Bib was away, Jabba restructed his entire organization. The epiphany he'd had in prison truly opened his eyes, and he couldn't ever go back to sleep. He transformed his Palace into a half-way house for ex-cons and recovering addicts like himself. Together they'd find strength in a much needed support system. They could all stay with him for as long as they needed. As long as he had a floor, the unfortunates and dregs would have a place to sleep.


A fact about Jabba that has become incredibly obscured since his death, especially due to the efforts of the New Republic's PR department, is that The Hutt was extremely giving as far as the arts and sciences. He was funding research into a cure for Syphilis because one of his uncles suffered from it until his death. He also was active in seeking out and developing new musical talent, and proudly hung art from up and coming artists in his Palace. Jabba also tried to help veterans who suffered from post traumatic stress syndrome. Jabba was also responsible for Tatooine's first soup kitchen and was given the key to Anchorhead by its mayor.


By the time Bib was released, he came back to an organization that was criminal in name only. Sure there was skimming, and the barest of loan sharking, but mostly there was all this charity work and feeding of people for free! It was then that Bib Fortuna became Jabba's first underling who was plotting to kill him.


Around this time, Jabba also developed a keen interest in sport. To celebrate Tessek's 300th day of being clean and sober, Jabba sponsored the Boonta Eve Classic, one of the largest Podracing spectaculars in the Galaxy.


Jabba also continued to enslave hot chicks, but for a totally different reason. All the slave girls in the Palace were ex-cons and junkies. It was Jabba's method of tough love, tearing them apart and then building them up once they were ready to leave their old lives. It was proven to have a 100% success rate.

Diet

Jabba's one remaining vice was how partial he was to eating live frogs. This inhumane act outraged the Tatooine chapter of PETA,  and they were completely up his ass about it. Tessek, acting as Jabba's attorney, employed former private detective Taym Dren-Garen to investigate PETA, and together the pair found several interesting criminal acts by the organization. This, along with Jabba wearing the mask of an underworld crime boss, meant he didn't have to put up with it. He had those preachy PETA dicks wiped off the planet with extreme prejudice. The move was so popular that the citizenry tolerated Jabba's skindeep, autocratic mob rule even though he could have easily been overthrown since his gang was poorly equipped and dumb. Jabba had a hard time turning away the unfortunate though.

Downfall

Another thing that got some of Jabba's minions to turn against him was his treatment of Han Solo. Han was a smuggler who seemed to completely disrespect the Hutt at every turn, and some important voices in the Hutt's organization felt Solo was begging to made an example of. The truth was that Jabba felt nothing but compassion for Han. Sure, he dumped shipments and made no effort to pay them back. And yes, he blasted some of Jabba's employees from time to time. But at heart, Han was a decent man. He was charming, and if he had to be honest about it, Jabba desired him like nobody's business. He had to turn Han around. Then, and only then, could the two be together.


This of course all changed when Jabba learned of two developments. One was that Han Solo had openly joined a known terrorist organization. This meant he'd truly fallen further than Jabba ever thought him capable. Perhaps Han couldn't be saved after all. The other development was the rumors of Solo trying to pick up on some Rebel floozy. This was the breaking point. After all the moments, the smirks, the times when Han smoothtalked him while getting all up on his blubber, and now it turns out he'd played Jabba's affections all along. Han was straight, and a terrorist, and hell hath no fury like a Hutt scorned.


When Boba Fett showed up with Han encased in Carbonite, Jabba felt a tinge of sadness. It was quickly replaced with resentment though. Maybe Han would never be redeemed, but he would still serve as an example. Jabba had the Corellian placed on the wall, to serve as a reminder to those at his Palace who were feeling weak for where they could end up if they lost their way again. And it also served as inspiration to those who remained strong, for they'd never sink that low again.


Things really started to go downhill with Jabba's once slave girl rehabilitation failure. Oola, a Twi'Lek Spice addict, relapsed again and again. After several dozen times of Oola falling off the wagon, then begging Jabba for another chance, she seemed to have truly snapped. Everyone was listening to music and generally chillig out at the palace, when Oola jonesed worse than Jabba had ever seen before. She was calling him horrible names, and begging for a hit. She cursed him, telling him where to put things that were much too large into orifices that were much too small. All for Spice. All for her addiction. It broke Jabba's heart as he realized she would never ever be more than an addict.


As she struggled with her chain, that she'd just begged him to put back on her the week before, Oola pulled on Jabba's arm, and to balance himself he accidentally grabbed the part of his armrest with the button for the trapdoor. Before he could stop it from happening, Oola fell into the Rancor pit and was killed. She was his first failure, and Jabba was noticably different from then on.


Things only got worse with the arrival of Princess Leia. Jabba could smell a liar like no one else, even when they wore a mask. It was only a matter of time before he figured out what this person was lying about. As soon as he saw her face, Jabba knew exactly who she was. A prominent member of the same terrorist group that had brainwashed his beloved Han. And she was also the same tramp that had tricked Solo into being straight.


Despite his intense anger, Jabba kept to his mission. He would teach her to overcome her upbringing and the beliefs she'd been led to subscribe to. He would teach her how to be a decent, law-abiding person. The tough love approach would work again, and in the end, like all the others, she would appreciate what he'd done for her.


Or not. After she choked his ass, Leia ran up stairs and started pummelling Jabba's employees until her brother blew them all up. Luke had killed Jabba's pet Rancor, and displayed the most severe recidivism Jabba had ever witnessed. No remorse. In fact, Skywalker seemed proud of his criminal nature. Jabba regretted doing it, but he knew he had to put this mad dog down. Obviously, that isn't how it played out. Jabba ended up unintentionally giving Luke an immense line of lambs for the slaughter. An entire group of recovering addicts, ex cons who were working their way back into the community, B-grade actors, writers, struggling artists, former athletes, and even scientists Jabba was sponsoring were all cut down in a matter of moments by one psychopath and his terrorist friends.

Trivia

Jabba The Hutt's death was originally supposed to harken back to his Father's. Princess Leia would finally seem to give in to Jabba's advances, and invite him to join her in the bathtub. As her brother Luke tore through Jabba's guards like tissue paper, Leia would slice off Jabba's junk, and lock him in the bathroom to bleed to death in his own bathwater. Either way, Jabba's acts in his final years may not have ensured him a merciful death, but his place in eternity was guarenteed.

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