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DeathStar2
Death Star 2: Deathing Harder.

The Man

Emperor Palpatine decided he needed a new planet exploder. His advisors said, "Why mess with a great idea? Let's go with ball. It's spherical, but we like it."

The Emperor concurred, and work began immediately. The original Death Star took 20 years to complete, and there was just no way they had that kinda time with this second one. Rather than using the Rudder & Sons company, the Empire now went with the much larger 320,000 Guys & 13 Womyns Corporation. Also, the exhaust port thing would be an issue of the past. After the Death Star 2 was completed, there'd be no blowholes to fire torpedos into. And if there was, they certainly wouldn't be connected to anything explosive or put near important stuff. There would be nothing to stop them this time!

The Plan

The Death Star 2 was really just a huge, expensive tool to get Luke Skywalker into bed. Much like Titanic was Jim Cameron's way of nailing Kate Winslet. The beauty of this plan was its simplicity. The Emperor had log grown tired of the careful, painstaking, and drawn out machinations that put him in power in the first place. He was going more for the mousetrap with cheese concept now. Make a big damn target, and the Rebels won't be able to help themselves but to come get snatched up in it. Meanwhile, Luke's compassion for his father was exactly the emotional vulnerability Palpatine needed to get into those pants. It was simple. Plus, he really had grown tired of all the fuzzy Ewok women he'd been banging. A man needs variety, afterall.

The Hold Up

The Death Star 2 should have been completed way before the Bothan spies got their hands on the plans.  Darth Vader was constantly bitching at Moff Jerjerrod about this.  The problem is that engineers made a huge logistical design flaw.  Though the Death Star 2 was capable of traveling throughout the galaxy via an unseen propulsion system in order to keep uppity systems in line, it's shield was generated from the nearby forest moon of Endor which had no propulsion system. The faces of several engineers were red when they realized the use of the very expensive propulsion system and the use of the equally expensive shield were mutually exclusive.  The engineers and construction crew had to scramble to figure out a way to move the forest moon around with the Death Star 2.  This put them way behind schedule and required a lot of short cuts.  Though the Emperor's throne room was fully completed by the time of the Battle Of Endor, one of the access corridors was not.  It's a little know fact that the only thing that separated the Emperor, his guards and dignitaries from the vacuum of space was one hastily hung sheet of Mylar. Had Luke know this, he could have saved everyone a bunch of time.

The Canal

The Emperor got his ass tossed down a tube. Then he got blown up when Lando exploded the exploder in the Battle Of Endor. Also killed were the hundreds of thousands of laborers working on the space station. It was a juicy contract, and many of them needed the work since Palpatine had created an overwhelming Galactic deficit. Who that money was owed to is completely unknown, but the Galactic economy was completely crusted with poop. They needed the jobs, you know? And now they're dead. Just so Lando could score some group action.

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