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Darth Suck

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Yay! the Idiot was an idiot. He eventually became the Sith Lord Darth Suck more or less by accident, and everyone regretted it immediately.


Early Life

Born on Yoda's mysterious planet with no name (Christ, can someone figure this out?), Yay!'s life went downhill immediately. He really sucked, and everyone knew it. He had the IQ of a dead Ronto. Yay! Basically just smiled a lot, and it was all he could do to contain the amount of drool constantly dripping from his idiot maw. Everyone made fun of him, but he liked it. In the beginning, he was entertaining to his fellow Yoda's species on his unknown home planet without a name, but all good things come to an end. When he was a young 231, Yay! wandered into the planet's major city's (name unknown) main power plant looking for some poo, and drooled on a circuit breaker. The resulting short circuit cut the power to the entire planet for weeks. Yay! thought this was hilarious. Apparently, nobody else did.


Banned from his Unknown Planet

Yay! was placed in a single rocket pod, and launched into space. Eyewitness Yaddayaddayadda was quoted as saying "What an Idiot." It stuck.


Life on Kansas

Yay toes

Nobody knew how many toes Yay! had, not even Hasbro.

The pod was picked up by a freighter, and brought to Kansas. Being nicer folk than Yay!'s mysterious species on his unknown and unnamed homeworld, the Kansans took pity on Yay! and gave him the simplest job they could think of. He would work at their main spaceport, and use his special 3-, 4- or 5-toed feet (nobody was certain at first) in order to smooth out carpet wrinkles on the floor. His drool turned out to be excellent for gluing down the carpet in place once it was smoothed out. He was generally very good at his job, and the good natured Yay! was well liked in Kansas.
Yay claws

Yay! reaching for a bag of poo in the Kansas Spaceport.


One day, Yay saw a bag of poo on a tall cabinet in the spaceport. Distracted from his work, he struggled to get the bag of poo for a good 3 hours. During this time, several carpet wrinkles went unsmoothed. One of these wrinkles would change the course of galactic history forever.


Yay! and his Destiny.

That same day, Sith Lord Darth Dismulll and his first apprentice, Darth Maltreet, (who by all acounts was a decent Sith Apprentice) were in the Kansas City spaceport during an annoying layover on their way to Dathomir to visit some bitches there. In an incredibly unlucky event only minutes before boarding their shuttle, Maltreet tripped on a piece of wrinkled carpet, ignited his lightsaber and sliced open his anus, killing him instantly. A horrified Dismulll had to think fast. He'd be goddamned if Maltreet's shuttle ticket was going to be wasted. So he grabbed the nearest person, a green-skinned midget with pointy ears struggling to grab a bag of poo on a nearby cabinet, crammed Maltreet's ticket into the being's mouth, and boarded the shuttle.


Dark Lord of the Sith!

800px-Owen Luke

Owen Lars pointing in the direction of Dathomir, where bitches live.

Dismulll sat in the shuttle with the bizarre creature from a world that Dismulll could not identify, which was really frustrating to him. Dismulll could feel his anger flow through himself. He figured he could train this mental (and, ironically, physical) midget and mold him to conform to Sith rules and obey his every command. He could sense that he and this idiot might be ready to make their big move and take over the Republic after centuries of careful planning. He asked the creature what his name was, and Yay! said "Yay!", then drooled all over Dismulll's newly cleaned robes. He demanded that Yay! use all of his Dark Side training to clean his robes immediately. Yay! of course had no such training, but Dismulll was so blinded by rage and hate because his robes were now gross and filthy, he forgot this bit of key information. Further pissed off when all Yay! could do in response to this command was to say "Yay!" about 5 times and drool even more, Dismulll screamed "SAY ‘YAY!’ AGAIN MOTHERF*&#$ER!" Yay! seized his chance, and said "Yay!" Enraged to the point of no return, Dismulll howled "I SHALL NAME YOU DARTH SUCK BECAUSE YOU SUCK!" Yay! Said, "Yay!" again and drooled some more. At wits end, an apoplectic Dismulll grabbed Yay! when the other passengers were sleeping, and stuffed him into the garbage chute and then out the airlock. Dismulll eventually calmed down, and went on to Dathomir where he met up with those bitches.

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