Tatooine dart board

Smick Fang's asymmetrical dartboard. As evidenced by the spread of dart holes, he was typically high and to the left.

Smick Fang was born on Bestine IV.  His childhood was dominated by his annoyance with the fact that his home planet shared a name with a city on Tatooine.  He had a map of Tatooine which he used as a dartboard, with Bestine City positioned as the Bullseye (even though it wasn't centered).  He had really poor aim, so he rarely hit it.  This angered him greatly.  In order to blow off steam, Fang would hang out at the local bar, owned by a swarthy man named Reet, and down several malted milk drinks.  One day, Fang was looking for a new LED TV to replace the one that crapped out in his home theater, when he accidentally bumped into a rather dismal looking dude wearing a dark hooded robe.  This pissed off Fang, because he was rushing to the salesman to get the last in-stock unit of the model he wanted, and some other jerk got the TV.  It was on sale, too.

Sith Apprenticeship

The dismal man sized up Fang, and decided to tell him that he was the Sith Lord Darth Dismulll, and he was looking for an apprentice.  He sensed much anger in Fang.  Fang explained it was probaby because he just missed a great deal on an LED TV, but Dismulll sensed something deeper, and Fang realized it must have something to do with his obsession with Bestine City.  Dismulll suggested that Fang accompany him, and he would teach Fang everything about the Dark Side of the Force.  Fang asked if he might learn to use the Force to alter the records in Bestine City's Municipal Building, and change the City's name.   Dismulll had not imagined that the power of the Force could be used for such a thing before, but encouraged Fang to try.  Fang was eager to learn the Dark Arts, so he agreed to go along.  It was only after Fang's training began, that Dismulll realized Fang had absolutely no Force ability whatsoever.  But Fang didn't seem to notice, and he was a pretty smart guy.  This worked well for Dismulll, who wanted an apprentice, but really wasn't too crazy about the tradition of eventually being killed by him because of that poorly conceived Rule of Two.  He also figured that Fang's smarts would be a good asset in Dismulll's plan to take over the Galaxy.  So, even though he had no Force sensitivity, Fang was about to be deputized and Dismulll asked him what he wanted his cool Sith name to be.  (Dismulll committed a serious breach of Sith etiquette by allowing Fang to pick his own Darth name, but he lacked an imagination.)  Fang picked Darth Maltreet (remember in the first paragraph he liked to drink malted milk's at Reet's, so...yeah.).  He wrote it on a Post-it note for Dismulll, who pronounced it like "mal-treat", as in "one who treats something poorly".  But Fang corrected him, and told him he specifically wanted it pronounced "Malt-Reet".  Dismulll agreed, but never remembered to pronounce it correctly, and this really annoyed the crap out of Darth Maltreet.  Couple this with his anger over the Bestine name, and let me tell you, this was one pissed off Sith.


800px-Owen Luke

Owen Lars pointing to Bestine City, which Darth Maltreet hated. Owen was ambivalent.

After several bungled attempts to conquer the galaxy, mostly due to Dismulll's lack of patience, the two Sith Lords decided it would be a good time to visit the bitches on Dathomir.  They were short on credits, so they had to make a layover in Kansas.  As they were about to board their shuttle for Dathomir, Maltreet tripped on a wrinkle in the carpeting.  As he fell, his lightsaber accidentally ignited, and sliced open his anus, killing him instantly.  Dismulll was infuriated for a few seconds or so, and decided to grab the nearest person rather than waste Maltreet's ticket.  That innocent bystander was Yay! the Idiot, who would take Maltreet's place by Dismulll's side as the next Sith Lord, albeit for an extremely short period of time.

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