Darth Elmer was born Elmo Elmer on the planet Caldors in Old Republic year 24,399.


One of Elmo Elmer's more infuriating designs

Early Life

The planet Caldors was the textile capital of the galaxy specializing mostly in synthetic fabrics and decent prices.  There are only two main professions on Caldors.  They are textiles and textile journalism.  Being a poor typist, Elmer fell into the former and became a dye specialist, but he wasn't happy and felt he was destined for something more.  He'd spend his days designing pants that would make people angry.  This desire to make his fellow sentients miserable was foreshadowing of the dark days to come for Elmer.


Darth Elmer poses for his Sith ID card. Yummy was so disgusted at the site, he could barely manage to snap the photo.

Hey, wanna be a Sith?

Darth Yummy, a very strong Sith, decided that he needed to engage in some secret Sith missions.  He was tired of training and waiting and training on how to wait.  Yummy was infuriated at the tacky low quality garments Caldors spewed forth into the galaxy.  He figured the mere site of the textile factories churning out flat front high waisted slacks in undesirable colors would cause a rush of passion ignited Sith power capable of destroying the planet, so he made the jaunt to the industrial planet in . Old Republic year 24,377. Upon arrival on Caldors, his mission immediately stalled.  Yummy could sense an angry being flowing with forcely goodness.  The pain from losing his cherished Darth Bad was so strong that Yummy was eager to take a new apprentice.  He tracked the source of the force ability he sensed and found Elmo Elmer.  The weak chinned and poorly dressed Elmer was an immediate disappointment, but Yummy figured he could change him.  He asked Elmer to become his apprentice.  Seizing an opportunity to get off the god forsaken planet, Elmer accepted.  Yummy named him Darth Elmer since he could care less about the coolness of Elmer's name and didn't feel like putting a lot of effort into it.  The two returned to Coruscant to begin training.

Sith Training

As a dark side practitioner, Elmer was nothing short of breath taking.  He was successfully casting Force Lightning arcs in only his second week.  They weren't quite lethal at that point, but they'd put a damper on your morning if you caught one flush on the mush.  Soon he could choke out a reek with a thought.  Darth Elmer's knowledge of the force was only eclipsed by his skills with the light saber. If Darth Yummy hadn't been so self absorbed, we would have spent some serious time researching a loop hole in the Rule of Two.  Instead, Yummy spent his downtime trying to make his Sith garb even more Sithly.  It would be a fatal mistake.

We all know where this is going

Despite excelling at the Sith Arts, Elmer could never please the image conscious Yummy.  Elmer eschewed the traditional Sith robes and leather pants for his synthetic Caldorian comfortable slacks, and low maintenance long sleeve polos.  Despite nearly flawless technique in any of the Sith disciplines, Yummy would constantly point out how much better Darth Bad looked the part.  The constant comparisons to Darth Bad continued for over two decades.  Elmer's blood boiled at the mere mention of this name.  The final straw came when Elmer got his copy of the 24,398 inter-office Sith calendar.  February was to feature Elmer casting a both lethal and beautiful bolt of Force Lightning.  When he flipped to the month, the lightning was there, but Darth Bad's image was superimposed over Elmer.  Infuriated, he rushed to Yummy's chambers and filled the room with a spider web of electrical arcs.  Darth Yummy was no slouch himself, and countered the majority of Elmer's lightning attack, however, one finger of lightning grazed his cheek scarring him.   Yummy caught a reflection of his no longer perfect visage, and crumbled under the weight of perfection lost.  He Force Choked himself to death.  Darth Elmer was now a Sith Lord. 

800px-Owen Luke

Owen points out to Luke that he can't think of a contextually relevant reason to put his pointing picture in this article

Sith Lord and Death

Elmer followed his master's lead and conducted Sith missions.  During one such missions in 24,403, he took Darth Dave of Tatooine as his apprentice. In predictable fashion, Darth Dave would Rule of Two-ify Elmer.

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